Marriage and Romantic Relationships Are for Grown Folks Only

The major issue that most dysfunctional marriages and romantic relationships share is a lack of maturity. More often than not, relationships that are defined by their emotional instability or inconsistency are governed by an individual or individuals that were really too immature to be in a relationship. Consequently, it is within this type of toxic environment that individuals can potentially become emotionally scarred for life, and this makes maturity a key component when searching for a possible mate. Nevertheless, by no stretch of the imagination am I solely referring to the idea of chronological maturity, and neither am I attempting to foolishly suggest that relational bliss is achieved by simply waiting until both parties have reached the legal age of maturity.
Some individuals may view this as being a great idea, and others may even argue that our chronological age is the only valid factor in determining whether an individual is mature enough to become emotionally involved with another individual. It is this faulty way of thinking that causes many parents to falsely believe that a 16 or 17-year-old hormone raging teenager, who is still developing mentally and physically is somehow ready to start dating. However, I wholeheartedly believe that the deciding factor in determining the right time for an individual to become emotionally connected to another individual is found within the delicate balance that resides in between an individual’s level of mental maturity and their chronological age. This simple ideology not only provides a clearer picture of an individual’s readiness to take on basic responsibilities in life, but it also provides useful insight as it relates to their ability to make adequate plans for the future.
Therefore, it stands to reason that immature individuals are the ones that search for a 50/50 love, refuse to compromise, are emotionally insensitive, speak before they think, and can only view what happens in a relationship from one side. However, mature individuals completely understand that a 50/50 relationship does not exist, and neither will it ever exist because a real grownup relationship is not governed by the tit-for-tat rule. In fact, within a mature relationship there will be times when it is 70/30, 40/60, and even feel like it is 80/20. Consequently, grown folks just know that this a part of two people being together and dealing with the unexpected issues that come along with everyday life. Sometimes one person is up and the other person is down, but through the good times and the bad times they are always there for each other.
A mature individual’s vocabulary consists of inclusive pronouns such as we, us, and ours, and they are old enough to realize that focusing on exclusive pronouns such as me and mine only create undue stress within the relationship. Grown folks are willing to compromise, know that everything is not always about them, and they understand that mutual happiness in the relationship is founded on the concept of give and take. Furthermore, when making decisions, they consider their significant other’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions because they realize that whatever they do has a direct effect or impact on their loved ones as well. Mature individuals understand the power that their words possess, and they never use a heated argument as an excuse to verbally abuse their mate. Grown folks fully comprehend the lingering effects of a harsh word, so they tend to think before they speak and build up instead of tearing down.
Most importantly, a mature individual has the uncanny ability to view things from a different perspective, which is one of the most effective skills within his or her arsenal when attempting to resolve a conflict or maintain the peace within the relationship. Truthfully, mature individuals tend to take their relationships very seriously, and they seldom if ever have time to play emotional games. Furthermore, most mature individuals not only understand that both marriages and romantic relationships are strictly for grown folks, but they also realize that tricks are for kids.

Pastor of New Heaven Christian Church, Professor of Psychology, Advisor to State Representative LaShawn K. Ford, Illinois 8th District Chair of Higher Education, Co-Chair for the 37th Ward Pastors Alliance, member of the New Baptist Ministers Fellowship, and Board of Directors for the Chicago Low-Income Housing Trust Fund.